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Just eight days after her wedding, Jordan Linn Graham was
having second thoughts about being married.
To resolve these feelings, she pushed her husband off a
cliff in Glacier National Park in Montana on July 7. Allegedly.
I don’t know about you, but if I’d attended that wedding,
I’d sure want my blender back that I gave the semi-happy couple. It was
probably still in the box, and I would have my receipt from the Missoula
Walmart, so I could get my $20.88 plus tax back.
On July 8, Cody Johnson, the victim, was reported missing
when he failed to show for work, according to the Associated Press.
When questioned on July 9, Jordan told investigators that
her husband had sent her a text, saying he was going for a drive with a friend,
and that’s the last she’d heard from him.
Two days later, she told a park ranger she had found the
body.
Okay, look, this is Montana, the fourth largest state, but
it takes position 48 in population density. I did the math. According to the
2000 census, there are 6.2 people per square mile of the state. By comparison,
New York City’s population density is 26,000 people per square mile. Glacier
National Park encompasses over one million acres, after all. That’s 1,562
square miles. That’s about 1.3 Rhode
Islands.
Finding his body in a million acre national park known for
its cliffs and rugged terrain is more than a needle in a haystack. It’s a split-end
pubic hair in a waste treatment plant of a major metropolitan area.
“The park ranger commented that it was unusual that she
found it,” according to the AP. Ya think? Also in the report: “…his body was
found in an area of the park so steep and rugged that a helicopter had to be
used in the recovery.”
In other words, if Mensa member Jordan Linn Graham had just
kept her mouth shut, she would probably be a free widow today. And she’d be
making glacial smoothies for herself with my blender.
In my head, here’s what I picture. She leads law enforcement
officers to the edge of a cliff and hands the investigator a pair of
binoculars.
“See that spot down there, the tiny speck that looks like a
flattened Wile E. Coyote? That’s my husband.”
She later admitted pushing him over, and after a two month
FBI investigation, she was finally arraigned in federal court on second degree
murder charges.
According to a local newspaper, online at missoulian.com, a
family friend was quoted as saying that Genius Jordan was going around telling
people that she “never wanted to be married, she just wanted to have a
wedding.”
If that’s true, that Jordan was just in it for the gifts and
ceremony, then I want two blenders
from her. Make that a blender and a quesadilla maker.
Read more:
billwiley.blogspot.com by Bill Wiley is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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